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Your child’s frustration is not because of things he cannot tell you, but because he has learned by observation that this “act” of frustration will keep you engaged. 4 Comments Posted
Dear Mother of the 10 month old:
Children are always communicating. Why do babies cry? They recognize their own voice and immediately learn how to use crying as a communicative device. Babies also use their crying voice to express feelings about feelings, i.e., a dislike for being ignored.
Of course, some babies have "cry baby" temperaments and know how to manipulate their parents' attentions. In any case, it is important to communicate with your 10 month old. Reach for the baby, soothe the crying, and ask, "what's the matter?" "Why are you crying, what are you crying about?" Engage the intellect of the child and expect the child to understand your genuine concerns as a mother. You'll be surprised how comforting this approach can be to the child. Perhaps you may want to consider that your child would rather be pleasant, smiling, and playful, rather than upset and crying. Of course, there could also be a serious reason, such as the child being ill or uncomfortable.
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A few other thoughts - I've learned that some kids are intensity addicts. They thrive on enthusiasm, physical closeness, etc. If they don't get their need for intensity met through positive interaction, they'll make sure to get it one way or another. This observation, I think, is more for older kids.
I try to spend around ten minutes doing something together with my preschooler before the sibs come home, to get us in a good space together for the afternoon.
Much success!
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I've changed my 13 year old's shower time from morning to evening because he began to have heat rashes. I threw a tantrum and even threw some things off the kitchen table. We have a complicated situation - divorced, he has ADHD, we don't live near religious counselors, and we are moving, G-d willing, to a Jewish community which has counselors, soon. When my son sobbed and sobbed why I was torturing him to make him take the showers in the evening, and kept asking me why I was hurting him, I answered him that I decided "because I said so, and that is all you need to know." He's spoiled, obviously, but he aslo has medical and emotional issues. I am standing firm. I told him that if he doesn't take his showers in the evening, he wont be getting the sneakers he wants. It's scary when a child starts throwing things.
Thank you.
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I enjoy reading the child-rearing articles very much on chabad and gain much insight, it just seems to me that this approach is a bit too extreme for a 10 month old. Totally ignoring a screaming baby who doesn't fully understand your behavior yet sounds to harsh. I think a lot of babies go through this stage of frustration - its part of learning, just dealing with it calmly without totally ignoring it may create the right atmosphere for him. A slightly older child may need a firmer response.
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